my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
