you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
