Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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