He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
