Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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