ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
