I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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