I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
