You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
