just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
