I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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