I just cut my nipple shaving
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
