how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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