between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
