her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
