we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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