some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
