My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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