How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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