She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, beer. Big fan.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
