I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
