I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
