so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
