Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
