Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
