Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
