Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
