After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
