I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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