i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
