In the future we'll all be gay
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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