You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
