Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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