Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
