Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
