i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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