we have pet lesbian snakes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
