I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Holy shit dude........stairs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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