Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
