wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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