The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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