Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The ass gains better be worth it
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