She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pants are for mortals
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
