I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
