Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
