Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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