put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I pour the whiskey from now on
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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