my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
