She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
