Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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