i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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