do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
