he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
