If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize