I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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