I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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