Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
