apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
