If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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