I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
