I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
