Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
