Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
