She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize