Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
