We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
