if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
