maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
