I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
