haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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