quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
