So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
