I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i will never coherently bang her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
