I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
