hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
