He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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