Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
