i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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