Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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