the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
