I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
